"Although I was able to maintain a pleasant expression, I was mentally throwing up in her face."

Augusten Burroughs

"My view is that if your philosophy is not unsettled daily then you are blind to all the universe has to offer."

Neil deGrasse Tyson

(Source: wings-for-marie, via fyeah-degrasse-tyson)

"Being offended provides no objective indication of ‘right’ & ‘wrong’. It’s nothing more than a barometer of your own emotional control."

Ricky Gervais

(via ladycreep-deactivated20140901)

(via ntrvrts)

"I believe luck is a concept invented by the weak to explain their failures."

Ron Swanson from Parks & Recreation

"It’s not all bad. Heightened self-consciousness, apartness, an inability to join in, physical shame and self-loathing—they are not all bad. Those devils have been my angels. Without them I would never have disappeared into language, literature, the mind, laughter and all the mad intensities that made and unmade me."

Stephen Fry 

(Source: beeishappy, via fuckyeahstevejonandstephen)

"If you misunderstood my joke and were offended, I’m really sorry that you’re a humourless cunt."

Ricky Gervais

(Source: kirknspock, via astrotastic)

(Source: mcguirkthejerk, via poetry-of-reality)

"Choose life. Choose a job. Choose a career. Choose a family. Choose a fucking big television, Choose washing machines, cars, compact disc players, and electrical tin can openers. Choose good health, low cholesterol and dental insurance. Choose fixed-interest mortgage repayments. Choose a starter home. Choose your friends. Choose leisure wear and matching luggage. Choose a three piece suite on hire purchase in a range of fucking fabrics. Choose DIY and wondering who the fuck you are on a Sunday morning. Choose sitting on that couch watching mind-numbing spirit-crushing game shows, stuffing fucking junk food into your mouth. Choose rotting away at the end of it all, pissing your last in a miserable home, nothing more than an embarrassment to the selfish, fucked-up brats you have spawned to replace yourself. Choose your future. Choose life… But why would I want to do a thing like that?"

Mark Renton, Trainspotting (1996)